Over Before it Began

What do you do with a jack-o-lantern after Halloween?

Cycles of success and failure come faster and faster these days. NBC's crappy version of 'Coupling' gets a whopping four eps to 'make it' two years ago, but Seinfeld got three seasons to get it going in 1992. Mr. Tony is reaping the fruit of a media monster he helped build, and he's doing it Whitney Houston-style.

Back on the 15th, Paul Farhi in WashPost style reviewed Mr. Tony at the game. Joel Achenbach linked his Washington Post blog to Curly R for my take on Mr. Tony's first Monday night (thanks for the traffic, Joel). The next day, Mr. Tony, in his shriveled old-man-on-the-porch column, called Farhi a putz. It was classic Kornheiser: self-deprecating

In critiquing my performance, I think what makes me happiest was that I didn't throw up. (Though if I had, I would have aimed at that putz in Style.) And much to my surprise, I did not sweat through my clothes.

and yet condescending

I was paid to stay up and admittedly that makes a difference

but this time mean-spirited too

at least I got out of Game 1 without...telling Suzy Kolber on the air, "I want to kiss you."

a reference to Joe Namath before he went into rehab. Classy, T.

So I thought that was it. Mr. Tony was cutting his teeth in that 'I'm a huge success but everyone still hates me' way he rocketed to fame and fortune (the email address of his hugely successful ESPN radio show was thisshowstinks@espnradio.com), all part of the dance.

Then last Sunday, right-wing apologist and Washington Post Ombudswoman Deborah Howell ran her column on Mr. Tony. I missed the column in the print Post because, as Mr. Tony would say, I was in a boat bigger than yours on a part of the Potomac you couldn't find with Jacques Cousteau. But today, Mr. Tony's vestigial column made a joke at right-wing apologist Deborah Howell's expense:

...I had the strangest dream. I imagined passing a giant billboard and for some reason, it said, "How many ombudswomen does it take to change a light bulb?" And the answer was: "It doesn't matter. An ombudswoman will still happily scold you in the dark."

'The dark' means obviously to me that there is some nuance of the story that right-wing apologist Deborah Howell can't comprehend in her little ombudsbrain. Ms. Howell:

Style reporter Paul Farhi gave a pretty tough review of Post sports columnist Tony Kornheiser's first appearance on "Monday Night Football." Not surprising. Going from newspapers, radio and a studio TV show to the broadcast booth for a live game is a big leap.

But Kornheiser wasn't sporting about it; he took a shot at Farhi in his column and blasted him on a sports talk show.

Not once, but twice. For Mr. Tony, the atmosphere on Dan Patrick's ESPN show is a little like when Dick Cheney's on Rush Limbaugh: friendly. Here's what he had to say about Farhi:

I apparently got ripped in my own newspaper, The Washington Post, you know, by a two-bit weasel slug named Paul Farhi, who I would gladly run over with a Mack Truck given the opportunity. I understand I'm a public figure and I'm subject to review.

Apparently. As though he hasn't actually read the liberal media. How giving of you Mr. Tony, now to ponder critique of media personalities. Guess what, you just leaped from the niche to the mainstream. Mr. Tony, in the same interview:

I thought my own newspaper would be kinder and I wouldn't be back-stabbed by this guy.

The Mr. Tony I know would have made it all about him, how the bad coverage missed the point; that he's an unqualified shmo with delusions of grandeur, and to expect him to meet some established media standard was insane in the first place. That gets laughs.

The Peter Principle.



Tony Kornheiser pumpkin: masterpiecepumpkins.com. Guess on the internet there's a niche for everything.