Vick Brothers Take Another Step Toward Trailer Park

Like school in the summertime: no class

Money does't make you smarter and neither does privilege. At least Michael Vick waited until he was rich to act stupid. Marcus Vick on the other hand is one indecent exposure charge, one knocked-up teen, one more weapons charge from getting a looooooot more time for PlayStation.

Timing does not appear to be the Vick brothers' strong suit, does it? First Michael flips the bird to the home fans after an awful performance in week 12 of last season. Eight days earlier, the Falcons coach's father, Jim Mora Senior called Michael a 'coach killer.' Poor timing to lose your cool on the hometown fans right when the folks are wondering if you are worth the hassle and money. Jim Mora Junior wanted out of that job so bad he couldn't have gotten canned faster if he stuck a PLEASE FIRE ME sign on his forehead, walked into Arthur Blank's office, vomited cheap wine and Combos into his toupee before yanking down his britches and giving him waffle ass with a squash racket and steel brush.

To make matters worse, Michael's backup, Matt Schaub (Wahoowa!) is on the market and despite Michael ginormous contract, the chattering class is wondering if new Falcons coach Bobby Petrino will want to keep Michael and his downside, or want to go with Matt and his upside. It would be really funny to me if the new coach's first act was to bend over and take it in the shorts from owner waffle ass who won't part with Michael unless he gets caught trying to smuggle drugs or something.

*DING!*

Michael Vick was caught Wednesday trying to board a plane in Miami bound for Atlanta with a water bottle that had a false bottom. What was in that false bottom? A dark green leafy vegetable matter with a pungent aroma associated with marijuana. He was not arrested, though Miami police said they may file charges.

Are you ready for the really funny part? As if it's not already funny enough that anyone, much less a world famous athlete visiting a football town, would try and bring any amount of pot on a plane in today's security environment, do you know which airline he was boarding? AirTran. Who is the Atlanta spokesperson for AirTran Airlines? Michael Vick, at least for now. AirTran press release and embarrassingly obsequious AirTran corporate pseudo-blog entry. Don't you guys feel like assholes right now writing all that shite about Michael has overcome.

More poor timing for the Vick brothers? The 6.3 million dollar lawsuit filed against Marcus by the then-15 year old he was banging in college, got busted for buying beer for and ordered by the court not to go near except still did, had a bunch of sex with then kicked to the curb before he was drafted into the NFL except he wasn't because he lost his cool and stomped a dude in a bowl game and then was arrested the next week for pointing a gun at some teenagers in a McDonald's (all chronicled in greater detail in Police Blotter Part 1) is back in the news, on the very same day big bro tries to pass a bag of skunk through Miami International beacause you know, they totally don't expect drugs in Miami.

Marcus is asking a judge to dismiss the case because his lawyer says that, well, even if it's true that Marcus committed sexual battery on this minor girl, that's no reason for her to sue him and even better, that the minor girl's claims that Marcus repeatedly told her he loved her, repeatedly told her he wanted her to have his baby and asked her to have sex with other men then dumped her like a bag of trash on I-64 don't constitute actionable injury because all that is just her opinion.

My guess: Michael was in Miami meeting with Marcus to discuss a loan for a settlement and needed a big buzz to deal. No judge is going to throw this case out and Marcus does not enjoy the assumption of innocence ascribed in our society to the super-famous like big brother, nor the quick path to forgiveness laid out for those that entertain us.

If it goes to trial Marcus will lose and Marcus ain't got no coin.

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Update 25 March 2007: Michael's false-bottomed water bottle tested negative for weed; was jewelry container.



Vick brothers: here

Michael Vick flipping the bird on November 26, 2006: here

Marcus Vick mugshot, January 9, 2006: Wikipedia