Thursday, November 05, 2009

The Greatest Threat of Our Time


No it is not the economic downturn threatening to swallow our jobs and life savings, not the growing Chinese threat or even al Qaeda. No, the most clear and present danger in our lives as Redskins fans is...

A rogue Hogette.

This is no fun and games, not at all. This impostor Hogette, who goes by the name Stephette Hogette is a threat to women, children and the sacred and copyrighted franchise (op. cit.) that is the Redskins Hogettes, those walrus stached plus size men that have been fulfilling every gay bear's desire to wear womens' clothing in public since 1982.

He befriended the actual Hogettes and used to bunk with them in costume at games. Later he betrayed them by fraternizing with Eagles mascot Bird Man. One time he even was spotted in the Redskins Stadium parking lot under the influence of alcohol [gasps, clutches pearls].

The real Hogettes in an act of actual outrage have lashed out at the counterfeit Hogette who responded in kind with fake outrage: this means war. And if the legion of ExtremeSkins loonies get their hands on the fake Hogette it is going to be Stephette Brisquette at the next tailgate.

It should be noted that Stephette Hogette has been dressing in Hogette attire since at least 1992, meaning he is not only a de facto authentic Hogette, he is also old and creepy. Redskins fans are advised to lock their liquor cabinets and be on the lookout for anyone dressed as a hopelesssly outdated homage to glory years of a well run franchise and a long dead owner.

Counterfeit Hogette with random dude: uncredited image from here via here.