Things I'm Not Thankful For

Never pardon a turkey

I have intense Redskins malaise. The Buccaneers averaged almost a whole yard on the ground over their season average against the Redskins. Former Redskins cornerback Walt Harris himself has twice as many interceptions as the entire Redskins team. A Hall of Fame coach has simply disappeared his team's principles, as though they were enemy combatants. Players on the defense seem to be setting themselves up for a big DON'T LOOK AT ME.

I have intense Redskins malaise. Hogs Haven has a post on the Redskins 3 Stooges. Counter Trey says The Future Is In The Future. Skinsaphrenia reminds me the highest-paid safety in NFL history is now backing up a guy one step from the street. Hog Heaven has a list of good and bad from the Tampa Bay game, and the bad is twice as long as the good. The Redskin Report tries to cheer me up with good things about being bad, but a chuckle makes a terrible playoff seed. Lee also reminds me for the Carolina game that former UNC basketball player Julius Peppers has 11 sacks this season. The Redskins have 13. Total.

I have intense Redskins malaise. Tomorrow I will be dining on turkey with stuffing and all manner of holiday delicacy before plopping my arse down for football. But today, I have intense malaise. It makes me more bitter that there is a third NFL game on tomorrow, but thanks to greedy NFL executives and greedier cable operators, unless you get NFL Network (I don't on Cox) or live in Kansas City or Denver (NFL Network games must be broadcast locally to the team markets, presumably dependent upon blackout rules), you won't see it. And it's a night game. That's right, there's a third game on tomorrow and the majority of the nation won't see it.

Curly R aside: this thing is pretty cool. The online edition of this article doesn't have a picture of the KangarooTV device, but here it is. It looks like a cross between a Star Trek tricorder and a Sony Walkman Sport.

If I had a DirecTV subscription, I would want one of these, they're satellite TV-on-the-go for sporting events. You can set them to record, play back and set alerts to change the channel when there is a score in another game. Perfect for that tedious weekend work function or 4yr old's birthday party. They are pushing them hard in racing and football markets, and apparently you can rent one at Redskins Stadium for $40 a game. I've never brought a radio or mini-TV to a game, and for all the times I wish I had one, I am glad I did not have another thing to distract me and force me to keep my eyes off the game I just spent $100 to get into.

Why do I have intense malaise? Because I am not thankful. Not thankful for a Redskins defensive secondary that couldn't cover a bagel with cream cheese. Not thankful for a $30 million safety that rides the bench. Not thankful for front office boobs that overestimate talent. Not thankful for a team so bad bad teams look good. Not thankful for a 700-page playbook. Not thankful for a receiver that only makes circus catches, and even then only some. Not thankful for coaches with a winning past and a losing present. Not thankful for weak-armed quarterbacks. Not thankful for veteran defensive tackles that lose starting jobs to 6th round draft picks. Not thankful for the 19th overall offense. Not thankful for the 30th overall defense. Not thankful for the 4th most penalties in the league (though I am thankful Dallas is number one) and definitely not thankful for the 2nd most penalty yards in the league (though again I am thankful Dallas is number one). Not thankful for a 36.9% mark on 3rd down. Not thankful for the 30th ranked passing defense. Not thankful for the 18th ranked run defense. Not thankful for the fewest takeaways in the league (but I am thankful for the second fewest giveaways -- at least the other teams can't take away what the Redskins don't have). Not thankful for first-round pick cornerbacks that blame everyone but themselves for blown coverage. Not thankful for another cornerback that waits all offseason to have surgery when he could have had it in the spring or summer and been ready for the season. Thankful for the hardest hitter in the game, but not thankful that he commits stupid 15 yard penalties with painful regularity. Not thankful for coaches that realized a month after the fans that big changes were needed. Not thankful for 3-7 and sinking.

What am I thankful for? That this isn't Philadelphia. That Eli Manning looks superduper average. That Martyball is going to ride into the Super Bowl. That no combination of circumstances will force me to support Redskins Coach Bill Parcells. Thankful that I am getting a break one time.

Have a happy and safe Thanksgiving from the staff of the Curly R.