Ok I Think I Am Getting the Gist of this Consultant Thing

Er, best practices

At first, no doubt like head coach Jim Zorn himself, I was resistant to the idea of Redskins ownership bringing on a consultant after just four games to work with the offense. Sure the team was struggling to score and there have been some problems in game management and execution, generally my philosophy is let a team win work its own way through its problems, stay medium and get it done. And if not then mock the living shit out of them until the season is over. Pretty straight forward.

But now that the team has brought former NFL assistant Sherm Lewis I think I get it. And the more that I think of it, the more I think there are other areas of team opertions that could benefit from a stranger coming in with no defined tasks and walking around doing consulting. Please review and comment and let me know if you have questions, comment or would like to talk.

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The Redskins should consider bringing in a running backs consultant, through four games the running game could use some help. Workhorse Clinton Portis is off his 2008 pace through a quarter of the season by nearly one hundred yards, at this pace Clinton will barely finish with 1100 yards which is not going to get him that big promotion, or overcome Redskins legend and Hall of Famer John Riggins. And if Ladell Betts and Marcus have time to lean, they have time to clean. I hear Timmy Smith is finally out.

The Redskins should consider bringing in a second year receivers and tight ends consultant. Through twenty games Devin Thomas, Malcolm Kelly and Fred Davis have not been as impactful as approved forecasts projected. Irrational exuberance over their potential 2009 performance was a characteristic of 2009 training camp, team officials may have misread signals that a more skilled evaluator may not have missed. I think Flipper Anderson and Alvin Harper are not busy these days.

The Redskins should consider bringing in an offensive line consultant. Through sixteen quarters the Redskins line does not seem able to create too too much leverage in the run game, almost as though age, inexperience and lack of talent are crashing together to produce a line that could not block its way out of a wet paper bag. The team needs a consultant with the resume and skills to improve the line in short order. Barry Bonds and Mark McGwire are looking for their next gig.

The Redskins should consider bringing in a third down defensive consultant. After a stellar 2008 when the Redskins defense was best in the league stopping on third down, the team has regressed, committing silly mistakes like cornerbacks lining up behind first down yardage and everyone forgetting how to tackle. Mark Carrier comes recommended for this type of work.

Finally, the two most desperate needs for outside help:

The Redskins should consider bringing in a general managering consultant. When it comes to making general football decisions, like whether a high draft pick should used to pick a blue chip offensive tackle or simply lit on fire and tossed it out the window, or when it is appropriate to draft punters or how to figure out if a guy would make a better guard or homeless person, shadow general manager Vinny Cerrato has shown decision making not befitting a man of his experience, after all this is the man that drafted Jim Druckenmiller as the heir apparent to Steve Young. Darth Vader and Guy Fawkes are both currently between gigs.

The Redskins should consider bringing an owner's consultant. Through a decade plus the ownership has yet to get untracked, with an erratic behavior and a tendency to fail > overcompensate > fail > overcompensate > rinse repeat. This consultant should be skilled at administering sedatives and securing undisclosed locations, an owner under the influence of the first then more easily transported to the second, thereby facilitating running of the enterprise in a fashion more befitting an NFL franchise. Nurse Ratched and Dick Cheney come to mind.



Consulting fail from here.