Friday, August 03, 2007

Training Camp Confidential 2 August 2007


EYES ONLY

2 August 2007

This cable MUST NOT fall into enemy hands STOP. Highest security STOP. Evade V. Cerrato at all costs STOP.

BEGIN TRANSMISSION

SUBJECT: FOURTH RECEIVER
CURLY R
intel reports internal struggle for fourth receiver spot on 2007 roster. Top three receivers Santana Moss, Antwaan Randle El, Brandon Lloyd. Factions in conflict for fourth spot: Mike Espy and Corey Bradford.

Conclusion: conflict is irrelevant.

Supporting analysis: in 2006 fourth wide receiver was James Thrash 12 catches 151 yards. James appeared in all 16 games. James was actually seventh overall receiver on team behind number six Clinton Portis who appeared in only eight games. Based on empirical evidence analysis concludes reanimated vampiric flying head playing only in night games would be as productive and therefore be ideal Redskins fourth receiver. This analysis adjusts for quarterback Jason Campbell's presumed ability to throw football longer than 15 metres in air.

Analysts also unable to deconflict absence of James Thrash in this factional conflict. James appears in preconflict roster and no transaction of his termination with or without prejudice has been recorded. As incumbent fourth receiver it is assumed James will defend position.


SUBJECT: DAVID MACKLIN
CURLY R
intel reports cornerback David Macklin is competing with eight other cornerbacks for a 2007 roster spot. Analysis supports conclusion is factual though misleading and may be part of broader attempt to fix roster around decision to invade defensive backfield. Shawn Springs, Carlos Rogers and Fred Smoot are assured roster spots barring injury. Ade Jimoh is returning utility dime back and special teams player. This leaves Jerametrius Butler, Leigh Torrence, John Eubanks and Byron Westbrook in competition for one or two positions. Jerametrius is a free agent signee, Byron is a rookie and Leigh and John return as bubble or practice squad players from 2006.

Conclusion: uncertain. Competition should bring out differences.

Analysts also suspect misleading statements in official documents. Coach Joe Gibbs indicates

[Macklin] could have gone other places and made a lot more money.
Analysts conclude this statement not likely true. Research indicates David signed one-year contract for league minimum with minimal signing bonus. Research document (op. cit.) concurs with comments attributed to Joe though analysts doubt a seventh year player, former starter and still strong would voluntarily accept no better than minimum money and fourth cornerback position even with likelihood of Shawn Springs injuring all joints, tendons, ligaments and bones by October elevating David to no better than third if better options for salary or playing time were available. Further research indicates David trending downward, with 15 starts in 2005 and seven in 2006, with no major injuries reported.


SUBJECT: INJURIES
CURLY R
intel indicates Randy Thomas participating in drills. Analysts consider this positive movement. Analysts frankly question whether injuries to Santana Moss and Clinton Portis are as serious as reported or if these players have fallen victim to Pampered Starter Syndrome, an affliction determined by leading scientists to have no basis in medicine or biology.

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