Training Camp Memo 5 August 2007

Yeah I'm going to need you to get this one out over the weekend

To: All Curly R Readers
From: Curly R Worldwide HQ
Re: Conduct Policy

Greetings! As we always do, Curly R management hopes you will consume this memo and adhere to what we said if not what we meant, and that our exhortations from atop the management suite for you all to work harder and smarter do not come off as out of touch with the worker bee and therefore go straight into your email trash can.

Curly R seeks to foster a safe and dynamic work environment which we acknowledge is totally doable with or without you. We hope you will stay on for meager pay but if you decide to seek other opportunities it is probably just as well since we do not really know what you did here in the first place.

3 August 2007
Curly R is accepting early roster cut applications at linebacker. London Fletcher, Rocky McIntosh, Marcus Washington and Lemar Marshall are all assured roster spots barring injury, leaving one, perhaps two spots for five other players, three of whom are rookies. Volunteers in the early roster cut program will be entitled to free bus fare to Dulles airport and a Redskins hat.

And it has come to our attention that Pete Schmitt has been playing both fullback and tight end. Curly R Conduct Policy generally forbids a player from holding two positions. Sean Taylor is the only approved exception, allowed to play both safety and wild-eyed lunatic. Mr. Schmitt will have to pick a position. At tight end he will be behind Chris Cooley and Todd Yoder and at fullback he will be behind Mike Sellers, irrelevant of the fact that Mr. Schmitt has never played fullback. Congratulations are due Mr. Schmitt. Being not good enough to play his natural position but good enough to play a position he has never played before qualifies Mr. Schmitt for fast-track management training at Curly R.


4 August 2007
Curly R is proud to introduce Rocky McIntosh as the Redskins new weak side linebacker. Please welcome him and feel free to start trashing him the moment he disappears into the defense.

Also, due to a printing error, rookie linebacker HB Blades was listed incorrectly in the new team phone book. Brian Blades, HB's uncle, is the one convicted of manslaughter in the shooting death of his cousin. We regret the error and it is worth noting that the elder Blades' conviction was overturned.


5 August 2007
To whomever wrote 'Casey has a giant nut sack' on the bathroom wall, please remove it. On-site counseling services are available to any Caseys on the roster without a giant nut sack.

And finally, we know the regular season is over a month off and the weather is enticing, but Curly R expects players to perform to their best every day. Please check with your manager before calling in injured. If the list of players claiming days off for injury continues to get longer, Curly R will be forced to institute a policy requiring players claiming injury to spend injury days as nanny to CEO Dan Snyder's children, and what...angels they are.

Reminder: it's *never* too early to start groveling for that 1% holiday bonus!



Office Space screencap from here.