Blogger Deathsport: Week Three Picks

When in doubt just put up a picture of Chloe packing heat

Tuesday update: The results are in, Curly R scores 7 wins, 6 losses and 3 pushes, overall results reported tonight.

On we go, the lines are particularly tight this week.

Sunday

ARZ @ BAL (-8)

Pick: Cardinals. ARZ and BLA both socked it to me last week so fuck all y'all on an 8-point line.
Result: Cardinals. I's right sommatime.

CAR (-3.5) @ ATL

Pick: Panthers. Lots of camera shots of Byron Leftwich on the Atlanta sideline, not much other action.
Result: Panthers. Watch as the Atlanta line grows and grows.

DAL @ CHI (-3)

Pick: Bears. Chicago is playing great run defense and below-average pass defense. They turn that around this week.
Result: Dallas. I've got a bad feeling about this.

JAX @ DEN (-3)

Pick: Broncos. Lotta 3 point hometeam spreads I treat as tossups.
Result: Jaguars. Is there no justice in this world?

IND (-6) @ HOU

Pick: Colts. Houston wakes up from a lovely dream.
Result: PUSH. Fool me once shame on you.

MIN @ KC (-3)

Pick: Chiefs. C'mon if you can't beat the Vikings this week, at home then you are dead to me.
Result: PUSH. Fool me twice well we won't get fooled again.

BUF @ NE (-16.5)

Pick: Patriots. Universal rule when picking against the spread: any spread larger than 14 points is too big, take the underdog. Exceptions to this rule apply when cheaters are involved.
Result: Patriots. The rest of the league is now a permanent underclass.

MIA @ NYJ (-3)

Pick: Jets. Insert comment here.
Result: PUSH. If I can't get the win no one can.

CLE @ OAK (-3)

Pick: Browns. What the hell it's a three-point spread and they boned Cincy for 51 last week.
Result: Browns. Lane Kiffin does Mike Shanahan muwahahaha!

DET @ PHI (-6)

Pick: Lions. Eagles may win but not cover. If the Lions win outright expect the mayor to firebomb the stadium to protect the city.
Result: Eagles. They live.

SF @ PIT (-9)

Pick: Steelers. Niners suffered a big loss on defense this week and will safely return to earth.
Result: Steelers. Nothing's bigger than Big Ben.

SD (-5) @ GB

Pick: Chargers. Despite sicking wind in the passing game last week the Packers could not stop Derrick Ward. DW is no LT.
Result: Packers. Heard at midfield: you got your anabolic steroids in my geritol!

CIN @ SEA (-3.5)

Pick: Bengals. Tough one.
Result: Bengals. I was write.

STL @ TB (-3.5)

Pick: Rams. There. Is. No. Way.
Result: Buccaneers. Look like rain in St. Louis.

NYG @ WAS (-3.5)

Pick: Redskins. Don't look at me like that.
Result: Giants. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Monday

TEN @ NO (-4)

Pick: Titans. The gumbo needs more time.
Result: Titans. If you took the Titans and 15 you lost!

Mary Lynn Rajskub aka Chloe O'Brian with pistols from here.